Dating Confessions Read online

  “Can you elaborate a bit on that?”

  Before long, I’ve got more than enough information on Tilly Alden. The only problem is, instead of feeling like I’ve got ammunition, my heart breaks for her. Her ex is a piece of work, and even though I’ve hardly any right to feel the way I do, I’d like to kick the shit out of him.

  Back in my room, I think about everything I’ve learned about Tilly. I open up the page online that will let me write my letter to the show. I want her to know it’s me, so I write the only thing I can think of.

  Dear Tilly,

  I’m the guy you met at Dive the other night. I want to apologize for my behavior, to both you and your friends. I had a few too many and wasn’t myself. I’m not usually such a jerk. I consider myself a gentleman, but I can understand your skepticism. If you would give me the opportunity, I’d like to prove that not all men are losers.

  If you’ll consider giving me another chance, I’d like to take you to dinner. Here is my information. I hope you’ll get in touch.

  Jack Baldwin

  I hit send and sit back in my chair. My curiosity about Tilly has only grown the more I learn about her. Knowing her background, I can’t help but wonder how she got from Morris Falls to NYC. It’s clear where her anger and opinion of men comes from.

  Two days ago, I thought what Tilly needed was a slow screw up against the wall. Now I understand better that she needs much more than that, and if she’ll let me, I want to be the one to give it to her.

  Chapter 7

  Tilly

  As usual, Maura’s words prove to be prophetic. The form entries from men are overwhelming. In the first day after our announcement, we received three times more applications than normal. So many men want a chance to be heard that I’m kicking myself for not having done this sooner.

  The only problem? Many of these guys are angry. Angry enough for me to worry that this won’t be as entertaining as I had hoped.

  I throw my head down on the pile of papers. “What have I done?”

  Maura tries to find a silver lining, as usual. “Not every one of these is terrible. Look at this one.”

  To: It’s Not You…

  From: Thanks for saving my relationship

  I’ve been listening to your podcast now for several episodes and I’ve learned a few things. The first is to stop skulking around my girlfriend’s cell phone and the second is that at least I’ve learned she’s not cheating on me. Finding your podcast was nothing more than an accident, but at least now I know where my girlfriend is getting her fucked up ideas.

  A paper stuck to my cheek, I lift my head and stare at Maura.

  “That’s your idea of not terrible?”

  “Well, it’s not as bad as some of the other ones.”

  Peeling the paper from my face, I get up from my chair and get a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Want one?”

  “No. Thanks. Look, we’ve still got lots to go through. There could be a few real gems here, we just have to keep looking.”

  “You keep looking. I’m going out on the balcony and throw myself off.”

  “Tilly. Oh. My. God. You have to read this one. You won’t believe who it’s from.”

  Suspicious that Maura is literally trying to pull me off the ledge, I return to the table and take the letter from her.

  “Holy shit. It’s from that guy. The one at the bar. Jack Baldwin.”

  “I know. He sounds a hell of a lot better than he did that night. What are you going to do?”

  My face feels flushed just thinking about him. “I don’t know. What should I do?”

  “Are you kidding me? You have to ask? Answer him, stupid. You did notice he was sexy as hell, right?”

  “I’m not blind. I saw.”

  “Haven’t you suffered enough, Tilly? This guy might actually be one of the good ones. You’ve got nothing to lose by giving him a chance.”

  I have to admit Maura’s right. My love life is in the toilet. It couldn’t get any worse, and I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that I was attracted to Mr. Baldwin.

  “I’m going to do it.”

  “Atta girl. You want me to leave the room while you call him?”

  “No. I want you to stay right where you are. If this goes south, you’re going to take some of the blame.”

  Mustering the courage to call Jack, I pace the floor while Maura gives me the thumbs up. I have no idea why I’m such a wreck about this. I’ve called guys before, but after the other night, I feel like I’ve got something to prove. Jack may have apologized, but that doesn’t mean he still has an uninformed opinion of the podcast and of me.

  His phone rings twice before he answers. “Hello?”

  “Hi Jack, this is Tilly Alden. I’m calling because I got your email.”

  “Tilly. Thanks for calling me. I hope this means you’ve decided to accept my apology.”

  “Yes, of course. Let’s start over, shall we?”

  “I meant what I said in that email. I’d love to take you to dinner.”

  “Yes. I’d like that, Jack.”

  “Great. How about tomorrow night, 7:00. Have you been to One if by Land…Two if by Sea? It’s on Barrow Street.”

  “No. But I have friends who rave about the food.”

  His voice seems softer on the phone, and I keep thinking about his brown eyes.

  “I’m glad you called, Tilly. I’ve thought of nothing but you since we met. I’m looking forward to seeing you again, this time under better circumstances.”

  “Tomorrow night, then. Goodbye, Jack.”

  I’m frozen in place, holding on to the sound of Jack’s voice, shocked when Maura speaks.

  “I take it all went well?”

  Looking at Maura, all I can do is nod my head.

  “Geez Tilly, if talking to him on the phone does that to you, what the hell’s going to happen when the two of you are in the same room again?”

  Good question. I’m wondering about that very thing.

  Chapter 8

  Jack

  I’ve made arrangements for a table in the corner so that we can talk without anyone hearing us. I’m going to need as much privacy with Tilly as possible. I would have preferred we eat at my place, but there’s no way she would feel comfortable coming to a stranger’s apartment. Getting Tilly to trust me is going to be the first and most important part of tonight.

  When she walks into the restaurant, something happens to me. She’s strong and confident but beautiful and even more irresistible than the other night. She’s wearing a cobalt blue dress with a matching silk shawl. Her long wavy chestnut hair is pushed behind her right ear, letting an abundance of curls fall slightly over her left eye. She’s stunning and intoxicating the closer she gets to our table.

  I stand to greet her, and taking her hand in mine, I lean in to kiss her cheek. “You look beautiful.”

  I pull her chair out and stand behind her, breathing in her scent. “I don’t know what you are wearing for perfume, but it’s delicious. Do you mind me asking what it is?”

  “No. Not at all. You’ll laugh, though. It’s a cream that I make myself, actually. I was one of those kids who liked science projects. I was always mixing things, starting with dirt in the backyard.

  Fortunately, I never blew up the house with my concoctions. Eventually, I started making candles and soaps as a hobby. I finally put together something I loved and have been wearing it ever since. Thank you for noticing.”

  Everything about Tilly is exceptional, and I can’t stop thinking what a loser her ex was to walk away from her.

  Once we order our drinks and food, I need to explain my behavior at Dive.

  “Tilly, as I said, I’m extremely sorry about the other night. I was on a date earlier that night. To say it didn’t go well is an understatement. I don’t want this date to be about that. You’ve heard more than your share of dating horror stories, but I do want to tell you that I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was an idiot to blame you for it.”
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  “I understand, Jack. It obvious that my podcast hit a nerve. Based on some of the letters I’ve received, a lot of men feel the way you do.”

  “I’ve listened to your podcast. I’m glad you plan to include the male perspective going forward. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to show you that this guy, at least, isn’t one of the bad ones.”

  “Oh, God. Have I actually said that?”

  “Well, I’m sure you had good reason.”

  Tilly’s eyes look down at the table. The pain of what she went through with her ex is still evident.

  “Let’s just say I’ve had more than enough experience with men to be skeptical of the whole happily ever after myth. Endings are sometimes nothing more than endings, and in some cases that’s for the good. Bad things aren’t supposed to last is the way I look at it.”

  “How about love, Tilly? Do you believe in love, the kind that couples who have been married for fifty years so obviously have? Is it not possible to believe you could have that kind of love in your life?”

  I hold her gaze for as long as she is comfortable, but it doesn’t take long before she changes the subject.

  “Why don’t you tell me about you, Jack? Starting with what you do for a living?”

  “I’m an advertising executive at Howard Grant Advertising. I’ve been working there for six years, and I love what I do.”

  Tilly takes a shot. “Isn’t that job about manipulating people? I’ve always thought of advertising as convincing people to buy things they didn’t know they needed or wanted. What kind of person enjoys doing something like that?”

  “Look around, Tilly. There isn’t a move you make every day where someone isn’t trying to sell you something. You can’t even browse for one thing on the internet without constantly being bombarded with ads. We live in a capitalized society. Spending money keeps the world going 'round.”

  The last thing I want to do is get into a pissing contest with her. I’m surprised how much I care about her opinion of me. I need to let my guard down and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling for her. I can’t let tonight be the last time I see her.

  Leaning in, I place my hand over hers on the table.

  “How do I talk to you, Tilly? Tell me what you need to hear me say. I don’t want to screw this up. Help me get it right.”

  I’m surprised to see tears well in her eyes. She smiles and says what I’d hoped to hear.

  “You’re saying the right things, Jack. I just need to relax and believe you mean what you say. I’ve been around too many liars in my life. Trust is an issue for sure.”

  She wraps her fingers in mine. “Have patience with me. I’m getting there.”

  Chapter 9

  Tilly

  Can it be this simple? Can I let down the wall that’s been protecting my heart all this time and it won’t get trampled on? There’s so much about Jack that I don’t know, and yet something in his eyes tells me I can trust him. I’ve got a million questions, but right now all I want is for him to put his arms around me and kiss me.

  We walk for several blocks, not with any destination in mind, but only to not let the night end. When we left the restaurant, Jack put his hand behind my lower back, guiding me out to the sidewalk. Somewhere between the restaurant and the Hudson River, he took my hand in his, and before long, we are standing in front of Jack’s apartment building.

  “Would you like to come up? I’d understand if you’d prefer to go home. I can get us a cab. I’m not ready to leave you, Tilly, but whatever you want is what I want.”

  I say the thing I think we both know.

  “I want to go upstairs with you, Jack.”

  He smiles and takes my face in his hands. His lips press mine, and I can taste chocolate mousse mixed with cognac. The warmth of his mouth and the way he pulls me close drives a vibration through my body. I want to get upstairs and rip his clothes off, but I can’t pull myself away from his embrace. Jack takes control. Tightening his fingers around my hand, he leads me up the stairs.

  His apartment is exactly as I imagined it to be. Sparse with such a minimalistic look, it’s hard to find his personality in the décor.

  “How long have you lived here?”

  “About six years. Why?”

  “Because this place looks like you haven’t unpacked yet.”

  Jack takes my shawl and places it over the back of a chair. “I don’t like clutter. People spend too much time collecting things. I want to live my life unencumbered.”

  I walk to the refrigerator and open it. Inside is as barren as his apartment except for a couple of bottles of champagne and a bowl of strawberries. “Looks like you won’t even commit to food?”

  “I can always find food. I eat out a lot. I don’t need to keep my refrigerator stocked with food I probably won’t cook. It’s more of a waste of space.”

  “Are you sure it isn’t more that you like having one foot out the door, ready to run at a moment’s notice?”

  Jack moves closer and puts his arm around my waist. “Does it look like I’m running anywhere? I’m exactly where I want to be right now. Isn’t that enough?”

  I pull away and continue to walk throughout the apartment, taking inventory of what isn’t there.

  “Your bathroom is immense. I’ve been in apartments smaller than this.”

  Admiring the huge bathtub that could fit at least four people at a time and the shower that could fit a sofa and loveseat in it, I watch as Jack lights several candles and places them around the tub.

  “Are you planning to take a bath?”

  “Not unless you invite me in. I thought you might like to experience this tub. I had it made special. The vibrating jets and soothing pulsations are something to experience.”

  Laughing, I can’t believe my date is suggesting I take a bath.

  “I thought you liked my smell?”

  “I love your smell. Now I want to know what you taste like.”

  He kisses me again, and it’s nothing like the one on the steps of his building. It’s urgent and intense. My lips part, inviting him to explore my mouth, my tongue, tasting all of me. His hands reach under the back of my head, and his fingers run through my hair.

  “If it pleases you, take your clothes off and get in the tub. There are bath salts, oils and perfumed petals on the side. Use what you wish. I’ll leave you alone.”

  With that, he turns and walks out of the bathroom, leaving me somewhat stunned. I’m aroused at the thought of Jack rubbing my slick, wet soap-covered body. I feel more vulnerable than if we were making love on his bed. Maybe because I know I can quickly get up and run out if I need to. Being submerged in bubbles takes this to a whole new level of adrenaline.

  I fill the bathtub with water, adding a delicious smelling bath oil that immediately creates bubbles. When the water reaches a perfect temperature, I remove my clothes and get in. This is a luxury I’ve always wished I could create in my own bathroom, but all I have is a shower.

  Jack knocks at the door. “May I come in?”

  “Yes. Please.”

  He moves to the side of the tub and puts his hand in the water. ‘You’ve got the temperature just right. Have you tried the jets yet?”

  He presses a couple of buttons, and the water moves around my body in such a way I’m convinced this bathtub could actually replace a vibrator if a woman could afford to buy one.

  “Incredible, right?”

  My eyes are closed, and all I can do is nod my head in agreement.

  “Would you like company?”

  I open my eyes and meet his.

  “Yes.”

  Jack stands and removes his watch. He takes his clothes off slowly and neatly folds each piece before placing them on a shelf.

  Completely naked, he stands in front of me, letting me watch him long enough to appreciate his massive erection. I can’t look away, and my nipples harden at the thought of him putting his hard cock inside me.

  He gets into the bathtub and sits across from
me, letting my feet rest on his chest. He massages my feet.

  “I could get used to this.”

  I want to ask how many women he’s invited into his tub, but since I don’t want to know, I remain quiet.

  “Let me wash your hair. Will you let me?”

  I nod and turn, pushing my body back, and lean against his, feeling his skin against my own.

  Jack takes a bowl and fills it with clean warm water. As I lean my head back, he pours the water over my hair.

  Repeating this several times, he saturates every strand, preparing my hair for the floral-infused shampoo. He massages my scalp, running his fingers through the hair and following up with more clean water to rinse.

  “That feels amazing. I think I’ll start coming here to get my hair done. All you have to do is learn how to cut hair, and we’re good.”

  “I don’t need to cut your hair, Tilly. You can have someone else do that. You can come here every day for the shampoo and massage. Now, lie back and let me clean the rest of you.”

  I do as I’m told. Jack’s hands move over my oil-glistened breasts. My nipples are hard and sensitive to the touch. He massages my breasts with soap. His large hands slightly rough and masculine, my body feels so small under them.

  I feel the hardness of his cock against the lower part of my back. He places one hand under my ass, and his other one travels to my clit. The movements he makes between my ass and my pussy intensifies my arousal. I gyrate against his every touch.

  “Do you like what I’m doing to you, Tilly? Do you like how I’m making you feel?”

  My breath is coming in quick, panting exhales. I want to say so much more, but all I can do is choke out, “Yes. Please, don’t stop.”

  Both my arms are now above and beside Jack’s head. I look down at my body and feel sexier than I ever have in my entire life.

  His fingers circle my clit with one hand while his other plays with the tips of my rock-hard nipples, and I’m unable to hold back the orgasm I feel is coming. His mouth against my right ear, he whispers, “I can’t wait to fuck you. Come, baby. Come for me.”